How to talk to your partner about sex toys

It’s an age-old question: how do you maintain satisfaction in a long-term relationship? There are many recipes for sexual satisfaction, and variety can be an essential ingredient for many couples. 

Sex toys can be an easy and exciting way to spice up your relationship if you know how to have the conversation with your partner and choose the right products. So, read on for expert advice. 

Is sexual variety important?

At the start of a new relationship, it’s often assumed, or hoped, that the intense sexual excitement will continue as people fall in love. However, this can be overtaken by efforts to simply keep the relationship going. 

When partners are committed to an exclusive relationship, the sexual variety they desire and found during encounters with others may no longer be an option. However, that doesn’t mean variety and novelty are impossible to achieve during monogamy.

That said, not every adult or every couple needs sexual variety. Some people find comfort and satisfaction in sexual routines and repeating what’s familiar. Other people aren’t interested in having sex often or at all. What matters is that you and your partner enjoy sexual health. 

There are many ways to define the term, but in the words of the World Health Organization, sexual health is: “...a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence.”

If sexual variety is important for your sexual health and your needs aren’t being met in your relationship then using sex toys may provide a solution.

Is it normal to experiment sexually?

All too often people avoid sexual experiences because of the rules and assumptions they’ve developed based on social, cultural and familial norms. Ideas of what is ‘normal’ get in the way of sexual experimentation and variety.

At SVAKOM, we believe that there is no such thing as ‘normal’ sexual activity. It’s up to you what you consider to be normal, and just about anything can be – as long as everyone involved freely and voluntarily agrees to the sexual activity, is of a legal age to do so, and it doesn’t cause emotional or physical harm to any party. 

Adding variety to sexual experiences can mean different things depending on the person and the relationship. For some, new experiences can involve avoiding routine locations, days and times of sex, for example switching from bed to shower, weekend to weekday, or morning to evening. For others, it may mean trying alternative sex positions or incorporating adult toys. SVAKOM offers a wide range of premium sex toys for adults of all genders and experience levels, and later on you’ll discover the top five for couples.

How to introduce sex toys to your partner

Good communication is critical for a successful relationship, especially when it comes to sex. If you want to add sexual variety to your relationship, it’s important for both of you to speak effectively and listen actively, to express care for each other and know it is reciprocated. So, where do you start? 

Step 1: Talk, listen and share

Discuss sex in general, share your sexual history and reveal your sexual fantasies – this can make it easier for your partner to express their needs too. Give each other permission to be open about your feelings. Rather than asking questions that require a ‘yes/no’ response, encourage discussion with open-ended and either/or questions.

Step 2: Make and hear requests

Take responsibility for your sexual health and relationship satisfaction by making  requests that are specific and reasonable. This is where suggestions to incorporate sex toys into couple's time might be raised.

Be mindful that your partner might take suggestions for sexual variety, including the use of sex toys, as a criticism of their sexual performance, so clarify the reasons for your request and express an attitude of positive unconditional regard for them. 

Step 3: Give and take complaints

If you have sexual concerns, take care in when, where and how to express them. For example, mid-argument is probably a no-go. It can be helpful to voice your complaints in terms of “I” rather than “you” statements which can sound accusatory. Stick to one per discussion and be specific. Try to balance criticism with praise.

Step 4: Be open to possibilities

If your partner is not open to talking about or pursuing sexual variety, don't force it or make ultimatums. You could try raising the idea another time, asking why it makes them uncomfortable, or addressing any fears or concerns they might have.  

Your partner has the right to say no to sexual acts, as do you. Similarly, both of you can offer alternative suggestions, and that’s where sex toys can help you find a middle-ground.

Step 5: Go shopping!

If you and your partner are interested in using adult toys to add sexual variety, talk about the pleasure zones and types of sensations you are interested in exploring. Discuss how your ideas overlap or differ and then begin your adventure.

Best couple’s toys

When buying sex toys to use with your partner, it can be helpful to involve them in the process. Exactly what that entails differs across relationships – it could be talking, browsing sex toys online, visiting adult stores, the list goes on. To help you navigate the possible options, consider these popular SVAKOM sex toys for couples...

Best foreplay vibrator

SVAKOM Nymph is ideal to use during foreplay. Its unique design stimulates external pleasure zones with vibrating and rotating sensations. Use Nymph’s soft, round wand-style head to excite broad areas with vibrations or treat it as a handle, allowing its three fingers to tickle you or your partner into overdrive. These teasing fingers rotate to massage external erogenous zones, such as the nipples, clitoris or perineum. 

Best clitoral vibrator

Research shows that during heterosexual sex, men are more likely to orgasm than women. Often this is because most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, which can be difficult during penis-in-vagina sex. It’s a huge reason that clitoral stimulators have soared in popularity and among the best is SVAKOM Pulse Galaxie. 

Pulse Galaxie uses Pulse Technology™, which uses air to create a suction effect that stimulates the clitoris while the charging dock projects a dazzling starlight display on the ceiling. This award-winning sex toy is also compatible with the SVAKOM App so you can customize settings, share control or interact with your partner via text chat and video call. 

Best cock ring

Cock rings, also known as penis rings, are designed to encourage harder, longer lasting erections. The benefit of SVAKOM cock rings is that they also offer partner stimulation with powerful vibrations and satisfying textures. SVAKOM Tyler is a popular choice due to its slim ring that stretches to fit different penis girths while a round stimulator tantalizes a partner’s body with circles of tiny, tickling nubs. Tyler delivers exhilarating vibrations in different modes and intensities to enhance stimulation for both partners.

Best anal vibrator

SVAKOM Jordan is the leading choice for adults of any gender who want to experience anal stimulation in a variety of ways. Its slim, beginner-friendly design offers vibration and thrusting, independently or simultaneously. It can also be used as a static butt plug – just don’t turn on the power! 

What makes this anal vibrator an excellent couple’s toy is the fact that as you change modes, lights on the base cycle through a rainbow of colors. The base is also where you'll find the remote control magnetically attached. This not only provides a convenient way to change settings during solo play but also lets you or a partner take control of the toy to heighten excitement. 

On top of that, Jordan is compatible with the SVAKOM App, giving you the option to customize settings and share control or play with your partner at any distance.

How to use your sex toy

Whichever sex toy you and your partner decide to try, always read the product packaging and user manual before your first session. Ensure it is fully charged, properly sanitized and that you have agreed when and how you’ll use it. Keep water-based lubricant on hand to reduce friction between skin and your toy and enhance sensations.  

After your sex toy session

When you’re done, always sanitize your sex toy, recharge if needed, and store safely. Then, it will be ready to go when you are! Importantly, spend time with your partner, giving and receiving appreciation for your latest adventure and where to go from here.

For more inspiration and advice, you may like to read our 'Beginner's guide to sex toys' and 'How to choose your SVAKOM vibrator'.